The Paradox (redirected)

I have been so far away from blogging and journalling in general, that I forgot I owed this blog some dedication and time. The past lot of months were ridiculously fun- so obviously I was too caught up. Now that I have a little me-time and not much to do let’s get back on the field, shall we?

Today’s post is just a redirected (first) post from my other, more informal, personal, sister blog Read it here.

I’ve always been a shy, reserved person to a good 50% of the people I’ve met/known in my life. To the remaining 50% who happen to know me more than what meets the eye, I’m a completely different (read crazy) person. To call me a bundle of contradictions would be an understatement. Excuse me for saying this out loud but aren’t all of us like this (even if remotely)?!

I am a simple yet complicated being, leading a monotonous ordinary life who believes under no circumstances that she is not extraordinary. (Yes, you have no idea how important I think I am). 

I am a situational pessimist and an eternal optimist, knowing that there is going to be sunshine after each rain, a lot of relief following agony and pain.

I am a laughter riot and a weeping mess, realising I’m most alive in these forms, and I’m just human to feel so much.

I am a solid rock with the softest core maintaining a balance between emotion and rationale. 

I am a raging bull and a mewing kitten all bundled up as one.

I am a needy wreck just as I am an independent queen , depending on how my moods swing. 

I am fiercely loyal to and frighteningly dependent on my loved ones.

I love without regrets and hate without meaning- I am just who I want to be. 

I am a hopeless sinner and a seeker of my Lord, having faith that He is capable of endless mercy and boundless love.

I am a little bit of you, a lot of me and a lot of you and very little of myself.

I am just a Paradox. Of my own being.

Admit it, we all are things we say we are and we say we aren’t (even if slightly). And it is all a 100% true. There’s not much difference between we the people, is it?! In fact this is the only connecting link amongst us all –  the paradox.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui. 🙂

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Short Story #2 – The Memory Will Never Die!

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He woke up to the annoying snooze of the alarm on a chilly winter morning. Isn’t it vile to have been awakened when the most brilliant phase of your dream cycle is about to gain momentum?! Squinting, he reached out for the daisy-faced alarm clock bouncing insanely on the side table aligned to the wall next to his brown poster bed and put it to rest. It beeped a 10:30 AM. The alarm had been snoozing away for a good 2 and a half hours, he made a mental comment. He twisted and turned in his warm sheets trying to get back to the deep slumber he was so cruelly woken up from, but couldn’t.

His thoughts raced quickly in his mind, flipping through his working memory to recall what he had perceived just minutes ago. He was sure it was her. No. Yes it was her he reassured himself. She was standing beneath the blue sky, smiling at him, her arms wide open- beckoning to him and he had begun to move in her direction and was barely an inch away from her face when the vicious buzzing alarmed him. A brief smile spread across his face and disappeared as quickly as it had come. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time, reminiscing how her eyes, her beautiful face, her sweet words had cast an unbreakable spell on him and to his own surprise, a tear trickled down his right cheek and he involuntarily wiped it off as though embarrassed. Men are strong, he sighed. He looked at the daisy clock again and this time it struck a 12:05 PM.

Switching his gaze to the enormous window on the left, he noticed the golden beams attempting to tear through the smooth silk of the chocolate curtains. He was horribly late for work. Just as he consistently was for the entire week before and the one preceding it. I will remember to set the alarm for an hour earlier tomorrow, he made a mental note nonchalantly. He rose up unwillingly from his bed, rubbing his palms together softly, walked weakly towards the windows and drew the curtains apart. The bright light blinded him for a millisecond. The sun was high up on the horizon but the wind was still cold and dry.Quietly contemplating his thoughts, he soaked in the warmth of the sun. His handsome face shone like a pearl in the golden beams but if one looked at him with more concern he would point out that it was studded with sorrow.

He recalled his last winter with her- it was one of the best winters of his life and her presence had added a beautiful meaning to it. He had fallen in love with her perks- he adored how she rose into fits of rage when he didn’t make it to dinner on time citing work issues, her uncontrollable laughter when he humored her through his silly faces and bad jokes, her endless faith in him, her innocent dreams of riding the rainbow on a unicorn, her too-much-for-her-age wisdom and advise he could never do without, the way she ridiculed him when he sang like a wounded moose, the way she passionately read to him and the way she dozed off when he read for her on frozen days like these, how she snuggled upto him when she felt blue and instantly lightened up with chocolate ice cream in her stomach, or how she comforted him with her smile when he was sad and the way she lit up his day just by being a part of it. He could write a book with umpteen sequels on her-  that was how much he knew her, that is how much he loved her.

It was 1:30 PM now. He hadn’t showered for days he realized. He entered the king sized bathroom and the hot tub. As he showered he loosened his reigns over his tears and they came gushing through his eyes- hot and endless. For the first time in many days, he found his emotions running him down. He made no effort to fight the running stream- he just couldn’t. It was all too much to come to terms to- his loss. The past weeks had gone by struggling to cope with it but today there was no struggle. His throat felt dry and his stomach was in knots- he couldn’t bear it no more and he let out a piercing cry. And wept till he could cry no more.

At half past two, he came out of his room wearing the gray tee shirt she had gifted him on the Christmas of last winter and a pair of blue denim jeans. He refused to part from it on days that he stayed indoors, avoiding all possible social contact. He headed straight to the room on the right as he climbed down the spiral staircase. He stood near the door gaping at the unkempt room that belonged to his daughter. He picked up the mess as he walked in, frowning and murmuring to himself, “She wouldn’t have liked this mess at all. At all. At all,” as he went about this chore. He then came to the desk laden with piles of untouched homework and books against the yellow wall and could not help but take a look at the pictures hanging on the wall.

Yellow was his wife’s favourite colour. “Yellow was her favourite colour,” he remembered. Staring intently, he took the picture with the thickest frame off the wall and studied it. The faces in the photograph were smiling- he, his cute little daughter clutching onto his arm and his pretty wife. How he longed to see her lovely face again. He knew that he could not. For she was far out of his reach, beyond anybody’s reach, up above in the Heavens watching over him- she was his guardian angel now. Her last words had been “He is the best man in the whole wide world and you were so wrong about him,” to her estranged mother and “I always had a lovely time with you Daddy. I love you,” to him, as she lost her battle to a terminal illness. His fingers moved over his daughter’s face in the picture and he sighed in muffled pain, “I love you Sarah. Daddy misses you. Your memory will never die!”

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The End.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui

DREAM. WISH. DO.

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For uncountable months, I’ve been delaying the conception of this blog. But after overcoming a lot of procrastination and ‘what-ifs’ , The ParaDoc’s Error has finally seen the light of the day. Right now, I’m brimming with high levels of optimism and bouts of anxiety at the same time, as i kick-start this blog.

As this is my first post on the blog, it seems legitimate for me to do a little bit of an ‘introduction post’.

To begin with, I’m an undergraduate student of Medicine suffering from an acute case of scribbling down my thoughts, my whimsies, my fantasies, my fears and my perks. (Hence, the name of my blog is totally in sync with what I do apart from diagnosing diseases). I’m also what you stereo-typically call- a bookworm, a decent artist and a full time dreamer.

I am a firm believer in the “Dream. Wish. Do” concept (with extra emphasis on the doing). Nothing can define you better than your dreams and how you wish to achieve them. Dreams and wishes come in all sizes and forms and let nothing and no one tell you otherwise. No dream is insignificant and no wish is futile.

Often, you yourself become an obstacle in the path of erecting your Palaces of Marvel through minor fears of failures, doubts and sometimes just due to loss of sight of what you really wish and want to happen. Does this imply that you give up on what you want?! Absolutely not. It is very easy to wish upon a star but it’s easier more, to give up on your goals. Here, I must mention how I was unsure of going ahead with this blog initially. But just a little encouragement from my loved ones, a little inspiration from fellow blogger friends and especially, immense faith in my own capabilities gave me a heads up for The ParaDoc’s Error. And here it stands. Though not very fancy, my blog was and now is one of my little dreams and I’m going to do my best to deliver the best. And I’m going to do it for myself before anyone else. Ah! What satisfaction even the first stepping stone towards a goal gives.

That said, your dreams don’t come with a guarantee card. They may or may not culminate into what you initially desired. That is exactly the point where you start dreaming anew. There’s not much to lose when chasing after your dream and only profits to gain even with the risks of failure. Don’t ever get bogged down by failure. The ParaDoc’s Error itself, is a result of many abortions (medical metaphors anyone?!)

P.S – I am no great author or writer. I started TPE out of my passion to write and learn. And I’m yet to learn the A B Cs of blogging skills which I intend to grasp as soon as possible. I’m open to any criticism and suggestions. And I’d definitely appreciate your views on my further blogs.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”  So remember to :

DREAM. WISH. DO.

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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.