The Paradox (redirected)

I have been so far away from blogging and journalling in general, that I forgot I owed this blog some dedication and time. The past lot of months were ridiculously fun- so obviously I was too caught up. Now that I have a little me-time and not much to do let’s get back on the field, shall we?

Today’s post is just a redirected (first) post from my other, more informal, personal, sister blog Read it here.

I’ve always been a shy, reserved person to a good 50% of the people I’ve met/known in my life. To the remaining 50% who happen to know me more than what meets the eye, I’m a completely different (read crazy) person. To call me a bundle of contradictions would be an understatement. Excuse me for saying this out loud but aren’t all of us like this (even if remotely)?!

I am a simple yet complicated being, leading a monotonous ordinary life who believes under no circumstances that she is not extraordinary. (Yes, you have no idea how important I think I am). 

I am a situational pessimist and an eternal optimist, knowing that there is going to be sunshine after each rain, a lot of relief following agony and pain.

I am a laughter riot and a weeping mess, realising I’m most alive in these forms, and I’m just human to feel so much.

I am a solid rock with the softest core maintaining a balance between emotion and rationale. 

I am a raging bull and a mewing kitten all bundled up as one.

I am a needy wreck just as I am an independent queen , depending on how my moods swing. 

I am fiercely loyal to and frighteningly dependent on my loved ones.

I love without regrets and hate without meaning- I am just who I want to be. 

I am a hopeless sinner and a seeker of my Lord, having faith that He is capable of endless mercy and boundless love.

I am a little bit of you, a lot of me and a lot of you and very little of myself.

I am just a Paradox. Of my own being.

Admit it, we all are things we say we are and we say we aren’t (even if slightly). And it is all a 100% true. There’s not much difference between we the people, is it?! In fact this is the only connecting link amongst us all –  the paradox.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui. 🙂

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Attitude Adjustment!

Over the years, if there is one thing in me that has been subjected to constant metamorphoses, it is my general disposition towards people, phases of crises, euphoria et al. And at times, it fascinates me how quickly my attitude breaks and builds, assuming a different mold every time it changes.

I wasn’t born with the best attitude towards life. Nor were you. It is not something congenital. It is acquired through habits outgrown, lessons learnt, in adversity and prosperity, mistakes made and corrected and through love gained, given and lost.

I have been through my fair share of embarrassments, confusions, frights and fights growing up. I’m pretty sure all of us do. I was touchy, insecure, impatient, short-tempered, suppressive of myself, et cetera. Today, a completely different girl looks back at me in the mirror, who is way more confident, secure and accepting of herself and others- flaws and all. Someone who laughs at the confusion, speaks up when she has to, owns up to mistakes and deals realistically with her strengths and weaknesses and one who realizes what strings are to be cut off and what to be held on to fiercely.

Because life is a bed of roses with thorns. And there’s really no point in hiding what you feel as things WILL keep changing forever. I am personally not a fan of change and that my dear reader, is the irony of my life – it keeps changing and never ceases to transform me in good ways and sometimes bad. Either way I learn and that is all needed to keep me growing and upgrading my version of self.

Our lives are beset with umpteen plot twists and how far would we go by being someone we’re not. People would see through you and I right away. Cribbing doesn’t work you know. But a cheerful outlook on situations most definitely does.

Learn to remind yourself of your greatness (Don’t roam around with an edematous head stuffed with arrogance and pride :/ 😛 ), be happy with who you are, care less about what others think of you and value what has to be valued. And if something in your life goes wrong, chalk it up to experience, let it go and move on. In any way, understand what makes you wonderful. Be true. Be you! A little attitude adjustment goes a long way. 🙂

Look at the good things in your life. Look at the good things in you.

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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Perfectly Imperfect!

After a tedious hiatus of ten or so days I’m happy to be back to the blogosphere. I am one of the lot of habitual over-thinkers strewn across this mighty planet. Last night, I happened to just ponder about the icky judgemental nature of we humans.

Ever wondered how much a person goes through in life  to be what he is today and what he will be tomorrow?! It is a pretty long struggle you know. And since homo sapiens cannot survive in isolation as has been reiterated from Adam and Eve’s time, we know how much the people around us impact us- starting from our family, to our friends, to spouses, etc. And to be judged by them? Imagine that!

What do we know of each others’ lives and everyday struggles to be subjected to blatant remarks with no pause whatsoever to our endless imagination? The answer you all know is- nothing! You are not making things any better by calling them names. I don’t understand how somebody’s life can affect yours when you are not even a part of their struggles. Do we really want to create bonds out of love or just picture a slideshow of people with quirky captions in our heads to make our life seem better. Or do we empathize with them genuinely? Either put a foot forward to embrace them and love them with their so-called shortcomings or leave them the hell alone.

Every one of us has been created in the same mould of clay but our souls are poles apart- the way we feel, we react, we laugh- each one of us differs from the other in every way possible. Nobody’s life is blessed with flawless-ness. Some of us are better looking, better versed, better clothed, better provided than the others. Whatever quality we lack, is compensated by God in some other facet which becomes specific of us and makes us imperfectly perfect. And we ought to be grateful for that.

We need to just focus beyond what we see through our naked eyes and penetrate a little through the soul of another and be more accepting of what does not necessarily please us. It is really a very easy thing to do if we just set our egos, insecurities, complexes aside and consider everybody our equal and not turn this into a competition of sorts.

The definition of what is perfect is totally subjective. What is good enough for me might not be up to the mark or just plain bad for you. The point is no matter how much you try to conceal or enhance your flaws, you are always going to let a part of yourself out to the world and open to judgement. And it is sad how it is all about sizes, numbers, appearances, bank balances, marks at school, social fame and other materialistic things which people chase today, blissfully unaware of missing out on something- much much much more meaningful.

Isn’t it the character we should be really vouching for?! I think it is.
You would not drive a potential good friend away because she doesn’t have the same phone as yours, would you?! Hell no. All these figures are just attributes to enhance your place in the society you live in. Please do not make this your criteria in determining somebody’s character.

Anybody or anything making you feel small or unworthy in ANY little or majorly hurtful kind of way needs to be shown the door out of your life. It is the right way to rid yourself of all the negativity you(or anyone else) does NOT deserve. Better alone than with those constantly putting you down. If in case  it’s your own bout of self-pity, ask that inner critic of yours to take a hike.

Don’t expect a flawless person in your life. You are most likely NOT to find one. Because no matter how hard we try and how many rules we bend or set up, there is nobody who is going to be 100 % right and you will land up alone. And I guarantee you that you WILL be judged- for all the good you do and all the bad you do. So better soak in that imperfection. If I had obsessed so much on finding the perfect people over all these years, I would have not been a part of the lives of SO many beautiful people I call my family and friends today.

I am a product of uncountable imperfections and through my bunch of imperfectly perfect family and friends, I have learned to look past the short-comings of people because all of us are amazing just the way we are – perfectly imperfect!

I think every single imperfection adds to your beauty. I’d rather be imperfect than perfect.

(Bollywood Actress)
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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Short Story #2 – The Memory Will Never Die!

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He woke up to the annoying snooze of the alarm on a chilly winter morning. Isn’t it vile to have been awakened when the most brilliant phase of your dream cycle is about to gain momentum?! Squinting, he reached out for the daisy-faced alarm clock bouncing insanely on the side table aligned to the wall next to his brown poster bed and put it to rest. It beeped a 10:30 AM. The alarm had been snoozing away for a good 2 and a half hours, he made a mental comment. He twisted and turned in his warm sheets trying to get back to the deep slumber he was so cruelly woken up from, but couldn’t.

His thoughts raced quickly in his mind, flipping through his working memory to recall what he had perceived just minutes ago. He was sure it was her. No. Yes it was her he reassured himself. She was standing beneath the blue sky, smiling at him, her arms wide open- beckoning to him and he had begun to move in her direction and was barely an inch away from her face when the vicious buzzing alarmed him. A brief smile spread across his face and disappeared as quickly as it had come. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time, reminiscing how her eyes, her beautiful face, her sweet words had cast an unbreakable spell on him and to his own surprise, a tear trickled down his right cheek and he involuntarily wiped it off as though embarrassed. Men are strong, he sighed. He looked at the daisy clock again and this time it struck a 12:05 PM.

Switching his gaze to the enormous window on the left, he noticed the golden beams attempting to tear through the smooth silk of the chocolate curtains. He was horribly late for work. Just as he consistently was for the entire week before and the one preceding it. I will remember to set the alarm for an hour earlier tomorrow, he made a mental note nonchalantly. He rose up unwillingly from his bed, rubbing his palms together softly, walked weakly towards the windows and drew the curtains apart. The bright light blinded him for a millisecond. The sun was high up on the horizon but the wind was still cold and dry.Quietly contemplating his thoughts, he soaked in the warmth of the sun. His handsome face shone like a pearl in the golden beams but if one looked at him with more concern he would point out that it was studded with sorrow.

He recalled his last winter with her- it was one of the best winters of his life and her presence had added a beautiful meaning to it. He had fallen in love with her perks- he adored how she rose into fits of rage when he didn’t make it to dinner on time citing work issues, her uncontrollable laughter when he humored her through his silly faces and bad jokes, her endless faith in him, her innocent dreams of riding the rainbow on a unicorn, her too-much-for-her-age wisdom and advise he could never do without, the way she ridiculed him when he sang like a wounded moose, the way she passionately read to him and the way she dozed off when he read for her on frozen days like these, how she snuggled upto him when she felt blue and instantly lightened up with chocolate ice cream in her stomach, or how she comforted him with her smile when he was sad and the way she lit up his day just by being a part of it. He could write a book with umpteen sequels on her-  that was how much he knew her, that is how much he loved her.

It was 1:30 PM now. He hadn’t showered for days he realized. He entered the king sized bathroom and the hot tub. As he showered he loosened his reigns over his tears and they came gushing through his eyes- hot and endless. For the first time in many days, he found his emotions running him down. He made no effort to fight the running stream- he just couldn’t. It was all too much to come to terms to- his loss. The past weeks had gone by struggling to cope with it but today there was no struggle. His throat felt dry and his stomach was in knots- he couldn’t bear it no more and he let out a piercing cry. And wept till he could cry no more.

At half past two, he came out of his room wearing the gray tee shirt she had gifted him on the Christmas of last winter and a pair of blue denim jeans. He refused to part from it on days that he stayed indoors, avoiding all possible social contact. He headed straight to the room on the right as he climbed down the spiral staircase. He stood near the door gaping at the unkempt room that belonged to his daughter. He picked up the mess as he walked in, frowning and murmuring to himself, “She wouldn’t have liked this mess at all. At all. At all,” as he went about this chore. He then came to the desk laden with piles of untouched homework and books against the yellow wall and could not help but take a look at the pictures hanging on the wall.

Yellow was his wife’s favourite colour. “Yellow was her favourite colour,” he remembered. Staring intently, he took the picture with the thickest frame off the wall and studied it. The faces in the photograph were smiling- he, his cute little daughter clutching onto his arm and his pretty wife. How he longed to see her lovely face again. He knew that he could not. For she was far out of his reach, beyond anybody’s reach, up above in the Heavens watching over him- she was his guardian angel now. Her last words had been “He is the best man in the whole wide world and you were so wrong about him,” to her estranged mother and “I always had a lovely time with you Daddy. I love you,” to him, as she lost her battle to a terminal illness. His fingers moved over his daughter’s face in the picture and he sighed in muffled pain, “I love you Sarah. Daddy misses you. Your memory will never die!”

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The End.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui

Stand up! Live Again!

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Very often in our happy lives, occur bouts of sorrow, failure, loss and misery which render us off guard (whatever the reason there might be) leaving us with no specific direction to traverse this long journey called Life. It seems as though the Fates are against us and no matter how much you lament about the cruelty of Time, your helplessness in such moments doesn’t cease to exist. In fact, broken-ness as this condition of man is infamously called, slowly spreads like poison, mutilating your mental capacity, gradually destroying your hope which is not healthy for your well being.

Even the strongest of us have yielded to this toxic poison called Sorrow in some way or the other. Now, not everyone is perfectly capable of combating it successfully and not everybody deals with it in the same way. Some camouflage it while some wear their emotions on their sleeve while others laugh it off. But sometimes, all a person mostly requires is motivation to get through such testing waters no matter what, where, how or who it comes from. A little motivation goes a long way in dealing with the ups and downs of life, especially the lows.

Owing to my tendency of writing what I feel, here’s a little something which comes straight from the heart and hopefully serves my purpose for today – Motivation.

Stand up and live again

For you may not have another day

‘Cause even if you are in pain

Life goes on and that’s the way.

Let it rain some other day

Don’t say ‘I tried but in vain’

To heal the wounds find a way

For time is a speeding train.

Bury deep regret and sorrow

Crawl out of those gloomy lanes

Wake up to a new tomorrow

And take hold of your life’s reigns.

Pledge to be happy today

Kind and cheerful- be your best

Let smile be the price you pay

And to the Almighty, leave the rest.

Pick up the pieces and stand again

Let the tears get washed away

And everything that made them drain

Never again, let ’em find your way.

Life has its lows and highs

And without pausing,we ought to go

Not many would hear our muffled cries

So build up hope, rather than woe.

Don’t hold onto your weary past

Believe that someday you’ll find

A part of you, you thought was lost

A healed you, in the course of time.

‘Cause there is someone watching you over

Reading your heart and mind

There is something He demands however

In Him your faith and trust blind.

So pick up your broken self

In His love lies your gain

Just know that He wants you to

Stand Up And Live Again!

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. the most certain way to succeed is to just try one more time.” – Thomas Alva Edison

Until next time,

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui

Mission: Own 2015!

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It’s 2015. YES! The past week a lot of you have been ringing in on the New Year celebrations and resolutions except me – the reason being me running a marathon of examinations.And as i rant about my super boring exam schedules, I realize that I haven’t officially wished you all yet(which I should have done in the previous post). Many apologies folks. So yes: I deeply wish that all of us are blessed with a promising and a larger-than-life 2015. And a year worth cherishing for all of the days to come.

After the official ‘wishing, it’s now time for the annual,mandatory and the fun part- ‘resolution-making’. Now now,we very well know how good we are at keeping our resolutions.But we still do make them,don’t we? And we should. It lets us reflect on our past short-comings,our achievements, things we should have done, things we should not have done, regrets, pleasures – everything.

Here’s a quick mix of things that I think we all should make an effort to do in 2015.

    1. Begin with a handful of short-term, attainable goals. And take steady, consistent steps towards them. You’re no super hero. So don’t hasten or give up too soon. The fruits of patience are the ripest.
    2. Live healthy! Sleep well. Eat well (No starving. Just stay fit).             Look good=Feel good!stock-footage-a-person-jogging
    3. Why so serious?! Smile. Learn to laugh at yourself and be positive. A smile a day keeps those wrinkles away.smile-because-life-is-beautiful-1
    4. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. A LOT (Not just when you need something but to thank the Creator for blessing you with things someone somewhere else is waiting and craving for).6a00d8341bffb053ef0120a5a35010970b-800wi
    5. Enjoy the little things. An early morning jog, a dance in the rain, croon to the melodies you love, fall down, get back up, victory dance on acing your test, root for your favorite team, cuddle your pets, share hugs and sleep your worries away.Happy group of friends, family with dog and cat jumping together
    6. No more waiting. Do what makes you happy (probably the most cliched one). Just Do It. (No I’m not promoting Nike).images
    7. Do charity, even if little.Remember, quality supersedes quantity.You might just become a hero in someone’s life. Don’t underestimate kindness and compassion.LOC3
    8. Amendments! Forgive those friends and relatives for letting you down. Apologise where you should. Release that negativity. ‘Cause grudges are toxic to your own mental health.104849497544201735_c1ci9jiw_c
    9. Learn something new. (Baking is on my list this year, what’s on yours?!). daniellehunter-try-something-new
    10. Family >>> World! ALWAYS! There will be times in ALL our lives(with no exceptions whatsoever) when nobody will stand by you except the parents who gave you life and the siblings you are related by blood with. So make it a point to spend more time with them. And put your cell phone/tablet/ laptop away while you do so.family_guy_thumb

Ultimately, make 2015 one of the most brightest years of your life. Because,

“It’s not the years in your life that count, but the ‘life’ in your years that does.”

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

DREAM. WISH. DO.

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For uncountable months, I’ve been delaying the conception of this blog. But after overcoming a lot of procrastination and ‘what-ifs’ , The ParaDoc’s Error has finally seen the light of the day. Right now, I’m brimming with high levels of optimism and bouts of anxiety at the same time, as i kick-start this blog.

As this is my first post on the blog, it seems legitimate for me to do a little bit of an ‘introduction post’.

To begin with, I’m an undergraduate student of Medicine suffering from an acute case of scribbling down my thoughts, my whimsies, my fantasies, my fears and my perks. (Hence, the name of my blog is totally in sync with what I do apart from diagnosing diseases). I’m also what you stereo-typically call- a bookworm, a decent artist and a full time dreamer.

I am a firm believer in the “Dream. Wish. Do” concept (with extra emphasis on the doing). Nothing can define you better than your dreams and how you wish to achieve them. Dreams and wishes come in all sizes and forms and let nothing and no one tell you otherwise. No dream is insignificant and no wish is futile.

Often, you yourself become an obstacle in the path of erecting your Palaces of Marvel through minor fears of failures, doubts and sometimes just due to loss of sight of what you really wish and want to happen. Does this imply that you give up on what you want?! Absolutely not. It is very easy to wish upon a star but it’s easier more, to give up on your goals. Here, I must mention how I was unsure of going ahead with this blog initially. But just a little encouragement from my loved ones, a little inspiration from fellow blogger friends and especially, immense faith in my own capabilities gave me a heads up for The ParaDoc’s Error. And here it stands. Though not very fancy, my blog was and now is one of my little dreams and I’m going to do my best to deliver the best. And I’m going to do it for myself before anyone else. Ah! What satisfaction even the first stepping stone towards a goal gives.

That said, your dreams don’t come with a guarantee card. They may or may not culminate into what you initially desired. That is exactly the point where you start dreaming anew. There’s not much to lose when chasing after your dream and only profits to gain even with the risks of failure. Don’t ever get bogged down by failure. The ParaDoc’s Error itself, is a result of many abortions (medical metaphors anyone?!)

P.S – I am no great author or writer. I started TPE out of my passion to write and learn. And I’m yet to learn the A B Cs of blogging skills which I intend to grasp as soon as possible. I’m open to any criticism and suggestions. And I’d definitely appreciate your views on my further blogs.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”  So remember to :

DREAM. WISH. DO.

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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.