The Paradox (redirected)

I have been so far away from blogging and journalling in general, that I forgot I owed this blog some dedication and time. The past lot of months were ridiculously fun- so obviously I was too caught up. Now that I have a little me-time and not much to do let’s get back on the field, shall we?

Today’s post is just a redirected (first) post from my other, more informal, personal, sister blog Read it here.

I’ve always been a shy, reserved person to a good 50% of the people I’ve met/known in my life. To the remaining 50% who happen to know me more than what meets the eye, I’m a completely different (read crazy) person. To call me a bundle of contradictions would be an understatement. Excuse me for saying this out loud but aren’t all of us like this (even if remotely)?!

I am a simple yet complicated being, leading a monotonous ordinary life who believes under no circumstances that she is not extraordinary. (Yes, you have no idea how important I think I am). 

I am a situational pessimist and an eternal optimist, knowing that there is going to be sunshine after each rain, a lot of relief following agony and pain.

I am a laughter riot and a weeping mess, realising I’m most alive in these forms, and I’m just human to feel so much.

I am a solid rock with the softest core maintaining a balance between emotion and rationale. 

I am a raging bull and a mewing kitten all bundled up as one.

I am a needy wreck just as I am an independent queen , depending on how my moods swing. 

I am fiercely loyal to and frighteningly dependent on my loved ones.

I love without regrets and hate without meaning- I am just who I want to be. 

I am a hopeless sinner and a seeker of my Lord, having faith that He is capable of endless mercy and boundless love.

I am a little bit of you, a lot of me and a lot of you and very little of myself.

I am just a Paradox. Of my own being.

Admit it, we all are things we say we are and we say we aren’t (even if slightly). And it is all a 100% true. There’s not much difference between we the people, is it?! In fact this is the only connecting link amongst us all –  the paradox.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui. 🙂

My Summer So Far!

Amidst a scorching summer and a much awaited-cum-delayed vacation ( by a good ten days :/ ), I finally pushed myself to get up here. The soaring temperatures are messing up big time with my holiday (and blogging) plans. I just do not feel like doing anything but slumbering all day hoping that one fine morning, the clouds will greet me with fresh showers, triggering the monsoon. With it being only mid-May so far, I think I’m pushing my expectations a bit too much.

Well, I have no idea whatsoever where I’m headed towards with this as 7 pm is usually not my ideal time to flex fingers and also, I have not given a thought to the title of this post yet. I continue to stare at the screen in desperation as I type this. Think I’ve officially hit a thought block! Sigh!

After a delicious biryani break for dinner, I thought I’d make this time’s post ridiculously personal about how my summer has been of late. I’m pretty much aware that I’ve got a few pending tasks on the blog like reviewing my February (damn! too late!) reads and a few others recommended by friends and other bloggers. I sincerely promise that I’m going to do all of those by the end of this month. Right now, I intend on proceeding with my Summer So Far.

So here’s what happened so far:

  1. My summer kick-started officially the day my Final MBBS – Part 1 results came out in the positive. All the hard work, anxiety and paranoia paid off well. Also, I saw improvement in my academic performance which relieved my folks .
  2. My birthday co-incidentally fell on the same day the results were announced, resulting in a double celebration.
  3. My childhood friend got happily married. She was one beautiful bride brimming with joy. Plus her wedding day seconded as a school re-union of sorts. I honestly didn’t meet so many people even at the Alumni Meet. It was one memorable night.
  4. I’m a chronic binge-watcher. I managed to catch up on the latest seasons of TV shows like Castle, The Originals, The Vampire Diaries, The Flash, New Girl, of course THE Game of Thrones and re-runs of Friends.Yes, I’m THAT free but frankly I lack quick productivity. 😛 .
  5. My shopping expeditions. I cannot tell you how much of a de-stressing chore shopping has been to me, especially this time round.
  6. And back to the professional front. Apart from fun-tastic days so far, I started spending a decent amount of time in college attending lectures and clinical postings as holidays finally became a distant dream come true. Whew!

That’s the gist so far. I’d tell you of my further plans lined up for the rest of this hot season but I’m afraid you’d yawn away to sleep. 😛 Today’s post wasn’t any bit philosophical or preachy or inspiring or interesting as such and pretty much pointless I know. But hey, sultry summer does that to me okay?! So I guess I’ll catch you people next time with something more relevant and meaningful. 

Wrapping up by wishing a sunny, exciting summer for you. 🙂

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Don’t Kill That Spirit!

THE SPIRIT STANDS!

“Set me free,” it roared

The binding girdles heckled loud,

Deep down in the dungeons, the Spirit stood

Lost, forgotten and forlorn.

Flashed before its misty eyes- clear and bright

How once the beating of the heart,

Gave it wings, brought it to life

And just as quickly, let it devour.

To break the shackles of the mind

The mighty Spirit surged anew,

Towards the freedom-promising light

Claim all liberty, this time it would.

All the blithe, he mistook for light 

Haughtily, burned it to soot,

‘Twas an endless battle it knew

And incessantly it ought to move! 

Weak and sore from all the pain

To let go of the controlling mind’s chains

From the ashes, the Phoenix rose

Only to be caged once again.

Against the feeble whisperings of the heart

Also, the malicious suppression of mind,

Prepared to battle another time 

Aching to be wild and free

Once again, the Spirit stood!

Hello my beautiful people!

All of us have that innate desire to be happy. Now happiness comes in all forms, one of them being  to succeed or being known for something we absolutely love doing- something which makes us a peaceful, contented kind of happy. Basically, in doing what we love.

But, oh but (I hate buts, don’t you too? 😦 ), not all of us do what we want or get what we want. Hell, some of us don’t even realize until it’s too late to know what we love doing and what makes us happy (whether it’s a job, a home, a dress, a person- anything)!

There is an inherent quality- a spirit in every single one of you out there which makes you different from the rest. Something which affects your drive to achieve your wants or desires. It could be relentless, dogmatic, sharp, laid-back, the Phoenix-like, the ‘try and try until you die’ one (probably my kind) and so on. Whatever it is, just don’t kill it.

Your spirits go through rises and falls just like your moods. Sometimes they function at an all time low where you almost believe you can go nowhere. At times, you feel so exhilarated that you feel you are the king of the world (I’m a die-hard SRK fan btw 😀 ).

However, your heart and mind play a huge vicious tug-of-war with your spirit. The heart may want what it wants but the mind has a mind of its own. Your heart may give birth to a wish and a desire and before you know it, your mind has convinced your heart that it is not good for you.

This might literally crush your spirit of doing the thing you love from the bottom of your heart, to pieces. Chances are, you won’t feel like doing it again at all, once that desire is suppressed which is SO SO wrong. It will eventually keep you from being happy or cause you to unravel emotionally in extreme cases. Be like a phoenix that rises from its ashes each time it dies.

So keep your spirits up and fighting. Don’t let anybody kill it through their criticism of you. You will have to tread cautiously, steadily, serenely, wisely and patiently at all times (especially during failures). They say, you lose some, you win some. But I would say, you go,get some! 🙂

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Attitude Adjustment!

Over the years, if there is one thing in me that has been subjected to constant metamorphoses, it is my general disposition towards people, phases of crises, euphoria et al. And at times, it fascinates me how quickly my attitude breaks and builds, assuming a different mold every time it changes.

I wasn’t born with the best attitude towards life. Nor were you. It is not something congenital. It is acquired through habits outgrown, lessons learnt, in adversity and prosperity, mistakes made and corrected and through love gained, given and lost.

I have been through my fair share of embarrassments, confusions, frights and fights growing up. I’m pretty sure all of us do. I was touchy, insecure, impatient, short-tempered, suppressive of myself, et cetera. Today, a completely different girl looks back at me in the mirror, who is way more confident, secure and accepting of herself and others- flaws and all. Someone who laughs at the confusion, speaks up when she has to, owns up to mistakes and deals realistically with her strengths and weaknesses and one who realizes what strings are to be cut off and what to be held on to fiercely.

Because life is a bed of roses with thorns. And there’s really no point in hiding what you feel as things WILL keep changing forever. I am personally not a fan of change and that my dear reader, is the irony of my life – it keeps changing and never ceases to transform me in good ways and sometimes bad. Either way I learn and that is all needed to keep me growing and upgrading my version of self.

Our lives are beset with umpteen plot twists and how far would we go by being someone we’re not. People would see through you and I right away. Cribbing doesn’t work you know. But a cheerful outlook on situations most definitely does.

Learn to remind yourself of your greatness (Don’t roam around with an edematous head stuffed with arrogance and pride :/ 😛 ), be happy with who you are, care less about what others think of you and value what has to be valued. And if something in your life goes wrong, chalk it up to experience, let it go and move on. In any way, understand what makes you wonderful. Be true. Be you! A little attitude adjustment goes a long way. 🙂

Look at the good things in your life. Look at the good things in you.

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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Book Haul (February)

There’s always one habit I will never out-grow, whether it was back when I was a ten year old or today or even some forty years later when I’d be rocking in my chair, graying – reading. Over the years I have read a lot of fiction ,non-fiction, the junk of the Book World( the comics of course!) and my academic books which I am certainly not referring to in today’s post.

Doubtlessly, the library was one of my favorite places at school. Sifting through the colorful, endless rows of books, each waiting to be taken off the shelf, waiting to be flipped through, to unfold their story, was in mere three alphabets- joy. I have lost count of the number of books I had borrowed and I recall right now how I never wanted to return a good book (but I did of course 😦 ). Why part with a character who became your friend, engaged you so deeply, made you laugh and cry with him/her when you can go back to them, right? Maybe that is how I turned into a chronic (and proud) bibliophile.

I guess all you book-worms (apologies for the stereotyping) can understand what I’m trying to say. Oh I must admit how much I admire people who read. Just a lot more than the usual crowd. Nup. It does not make you look “nerdy” – it makes you so much more attractive! 😉

So today I’ve decided to make another addition to my blog – Book hauls and reviews. In other words, a list of books I intend to read over a month or so and as and when I finish it, I’d review it up here. I’d love to share my experiences with others out there looking for a good read.

Here’s a list of my books to be read (TBR) for the month of February:

1) Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon – He is one of my MOST FAVORITE writers. This was on my TBR list for a long long time.

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2) They Do It With Mirrors by Agatha Christie – A book haul is incomplete without an Agatha pick, right? Right.

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3) Gone Girl by Gilian Fynn – Just had to give in to the hype and find out what was so different about this one.

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4) Paths Of Glory by Jefferey Archer – I read this one long ago and just felt like reading it again, so that’s why it features on my list.

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5) The Associate by John Grisham – This AUTHOR was on my TBR from a long time so yeah!

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The reviews to the books mentioned above will be uploaded as and when possible. Hopefully, soon.

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.”
Ernest Hemingway

P.S- You can leave a list of your favorite books in the comments section. 🙂

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Perfectly Imperfect!

After a tedious hiatus of ten or so days I’m happy to be back to the blogosphere. I am one of the lot of habitual over-thinkers strewn across this mighty planet. Last night, I happened to just ponder about the icky judgemental nature of we humans.

Ever wondered how much a person goes through in life  to be what he is today and what he will be tomorrow?! It is a pretty long struggle you know. And since homo sapiens cannot survive in isolation as has been reiterated from Adam and Eve’s time, we know how much the people around us impact us- starting from our family, to our friends, to spouses, etc. And to be judged by them? Imagine that!

What do we know of each others’ lives and everyday struggles to be subjected to blatant remarks with no pause whatsoever to our endless imagination? The answer you all know is- nothing! You are not making things any better by calling them names. I don’t understand how somebody’s life can affect yours when you are not even a part of their struggles. Do we really want to create bonds out of love or just picture a slideshow of people with quirky captions in our heads to make our life seem better. Or do we empathize with them genuinely? Either put a foot forward to embrace them and love them with their so-called shortcomings or leave them the hell alone.

Every one of us has been created in the same mould of clay but our souls are poles apart- the way we feel, we react, we laugh- each one of us differs from the other in every way possible. Nobody’s life is blessed with flawless-ness. Some of us are better looking, better versed, better clothed, better provided than the others. Whatever quality we lack, is compensated by God in some other facet which becomes specific of us and makes us imperfectly perfect. And we ought to be grateful for that.

We need to just focus beyond what we see through our naked eyes and penetrate a little through the soul of another and be more accepting of what does not necessarily please us. It is really a very easy thing to do if we just set our egos, insecurities, complexes aside and consider everybody our equal and not turn this into a competition of sorts.

The definition of what is perfect is totally subjective. What is good enough for me might not be up to the mark or just plain bad for you. The point is no matter how much you try to conceal or enhance your flaws, you are always going to let a part of yourself out to the world and open to judgement. And it is sad how it is all about sizes, numbers, appearances, bank balances, marks at school, social fame and other materialistic things which people chase today, blissfully unaware of missing out on something- much much much more meaningful.

Isn’t it the character we should be really vouching for?! I think it is.
You would not drive a potential good friend away because she doesn’t have the same phone as yours, would you?! Hell no. All these figures are just attributes to enhance your place in the society you live in. Please do not make this your criteria in determining somebody’s character.

Anybody or anything making you feel small or unworthy in ANY little or majorly hurtful kind of way needs to be shown the door out of your life. It is the right way to rid yourself of all the negativity you(or anyone else) does NOT deserve. Better alone than with those constantly putting you down. If in case  it’s your own bout of self-pity, ask that inner critic of yours to take a hike.

Don’t expect a flawless person in your life. You are most likely NOT to find one. Because no matter how hard we try and how many rules we bend or set up, there is nobody who is going to be 100 % right and you will land up alone. And I guarantee you that you WILL be judged- for all the good you do and all the bad you do. So better soak in that imperfection. If I had obsessed so much on finding the perfect people over all these years, I would have not been a part of the lives of SO many beautiful people I call my family and friends today.

I am a product of uncountable imperfections and through my bunch of imperfectly perfect family and friends, I have learned to look past the short-comings of people because all of us are amazing just the way we are – perfectly imperfect!

I think every single imperfection adds to your beauty. I’d rather be imperfect than perfect.

(Bollywood Actress)
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To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui.

Short Story #2 – The Memory Will Never Die!

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He woke up to the annoying snooze of the alarm on a chilly winter morning. Isn’t it vile to have been awakened when the most brilliant phase of your dream cycle is about to gain momentum?! Squinting, he reached out for the daisy-faced alarm clock bouncing insanely on the side table aligned to the wall next to his brown poster bed and put it to rest. It beeped a 10:30 AM. The alarm had been snoozing away for a good 2 and a half hours, he made a mental comment. He twisted and turned in his warm sheets trying to get back to the deep slumber he was so cruelly woken up from, but couldn’t.

His thoughts raced quickly in his mind, flipping through his working memory to recall what he had perceived just minutes ago. He was sure it was her. No. Yes it was her he reassured himself. She was standing beneath the blue sky, smiling at him, her arms wide open- beckoning to him and he had begun to move in her direction and was barely an inch away from her face when the vicious buzzing alarmed him. A brief smile spread across his face and disappeared as quickly as it had come. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time, reminiscing how her eyes, her beautiful face, her sweet words had cast an unbreakable spell on him and to his own surprise, a tear trickled down his right cheek and he involuntarily wiped it off as though embarrassed. Men are strong, he sighed. He looked at the daisy clock again and this time it struck a 12:05 PM.

Switching his gaze to the enormous window on the left, he noticed the golden beams attempting to tear through the smooth silk of the chocolate curtains. He was horribly late for work. Just as he consistently was for the entire week before and the one preceding it. I will remember to set the alarm for an hour earlier tomorrow, he made a mental note nonchalantly. He rose up unwillingly from his bed, rubbing his palms together softly, walked weakly towards the windows and drew the curtains apart. The bright light blinded him for a millisecond. The sun was high up on the horizon but the wind was still cold and dry.Quietly contemplating his thoughts, he soaked in the warmth of the sun. His handsome face shone like a pearl in the golden beams but if one looked at him with more concern he would point out that it was studded with sorrow.

He recalled his last winter with her- it was one of the best winters of his life and her presence had added a beautiful meaning to it. He had fallen in love with her perks- he adored how she rose into fits of rage when he didn’t make it to dinner on time citing work issues, her uncontrollable laughter when he humored her through his silly faces and bad jokes, her endless faith in him, her innocent dreams of riding the rainbow on a unicorn, her too-much-for-her-age wisdom and advise he could never do without, the way she ridiculed him when he sang like a wounded moose, the way she passionately read to him and the way she dozed off when he read for her on frozen days like these, how she snuggled upto him when she felt blue and instantly lightened up with chocolate ice cream in her stomach, or how she comforted him with her smile when he was sad and the way she lit up his day just by being a part of it. He could write a book with umpteen sequels on her-  that was how much he knew her, that is how much he loved her.

It was 1:30 PM now. He hadn’t showered for days he realized. He entered the king sized bathroom and the hot tub. As he showered he loosened his reigns over his tears and they came gushing through his eyes- hot and endless. For the first time in many days, he found his emotions running him down. He made no effort to fight the running stream- he just couldn’t. It was all too much to come to terms to- his loss. The past weeks had gone by struggling to cope with it but today there was no struggle. His throat felt dry and his stomach was in knots- he couldn’t bear it no more and he let out a piercing cry. And wept till he could cry no more.

At half past two, he came out of his room wearing the gray tee shirt she had gifted him on the Christmas of last winter and a pair of blue denim jeans. He refused to part from it on days that he stayed indoors, avoiding all possible social contact. He headed straight to the room on the right as he climbed down the spiral staircase. He stood near the door gaping at the unkempt room that belonged to his daughter. He picked up the mess as he walked in, frowning and murmuring to himself, “She wouldn’t have liked this mess at all. At all. At all,” as he went about this chore. He then came to the desk laden with piles of untouched homework and books against the yellow wall and could not help but take a look at the pictures hanging on the wall.

Yellow was his wife’s favourite colour. “Yellow was her favourite colour,” he remembered. Staring intently, he took the picture with the thickest frame off the wall and studied it. The faces in the photograph were smiling- he, his cute little daughter clutching onto his arm and his pretty wife. How he longed to see her lovely face again. He knew that he could not. For she was far out of his reach, beyond anybody’s reach, up above in the Heavens watching over him- she was his guardian angel now. Her last words had been “He is the best man in the whole wide world and you were so wrong about him,” to her estranged mother and “I always had a lovely time with you Daddy. I love you,” to him, as she lost her battle to a terminal illness. His fingers moved over his daughter’s face in the picture and he sighed in muffled pain, “I love you Sarah. Daddy misses you. Your memory will never die!”

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The End.

To infinity and back,

Maliha Taqui